You've just learned that a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder. Perhaps you had a hunch that something wasn't quite right, or maybe this revelation blindsided you completely. Regardless, this moment marks the beginning of a challenging journey and a whirlwind of emotions and questions. You may feel overwhelmed, confused, and scared about what lies ahead.
Whatever you are feeling, know that you are not alone. This article will offer practical strategies, dispel several common misconceptions, and provide you with some tools you may need to be a source of strength and support for your loved one.
Eating Disorders Defined
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions often intertwined with distorted body image, low self-esteem, and emotional struggles. Trying to make sense of all the medical jargon can be confusing and intimidating, so here is a clear overview:1
Anorexia Nervosa: Characterized by an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted body image, individuals with anorexia may severely restrict their food intake, leading to significant weight loss despite being underweight. They may also exercise excessively and exhibit obsessive behaviors around food and weight.
Bulimia Nervosa: Involves episodes of binge eating followed by purging behaviors such as self-induced vomiting, misuse of laxatives or diuretics, fasting, or excessive exercise. Unlike with anorexia, individuals with bulimia may maintain a relatively normal weight, making it harder to detect.
Binge Eating Disorder (BED): Characterized by recurrent episodes of uncontrollable eating during which individuals consume large quantities of food in a short period of time and feel a loss of control. Unlike with bulimia, there are no compensatory behaviors (e.g. purging), so this may lead to weight gain and potential health complications.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID): Involves a persistent refusal to eat certain foods or avoidant behaviors related to food intake, leading to inadequate nutrition and weight loss. Unlike anorexia, individuals with ARFID do not necessarily have body image disturbances but may have sensory sensitivities or fears and misconceptions related to certain types of food.
Learning about eating disorders and the particular disorder your loved one struggles with can be very helpful when supporting them. By knowing the disorder's manifestations, loved ones can offer empathy, understanding, and practical assistance tailored to specific needs.
The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) is a non-profit organization focused on supporting those with eating disorders and is a great resource for learning more about eating disorders. NEDA works to advance research, build community, and spread awareness to support the nearly 30 million people who will experience an eating disorder in their lifetimes.
Signs and Symptoms
Eating disorders can affect anyone—regardless of age, gender, body type, or size—and can severely impact both physical and mental health. If you know how to recognize the signs and symptoms, intervention is possible, potentially preventing the disorder from worsening and leading to more severe health consequences.
Some things to look out for are:
- Dramatic weight changes
- Obsessive calorie counting
- Secretive eating habits
- Frequent bathroom visits after meals
- Mood swings
- Social withdrawal
Another resource that may be helpful is NEDA’s online screening tool. The tool can not be used to make a diagnosis, but it can guide someone toward a better understanding of their symptoms and connect them to appropriate help.
FAQs
Here are some frequently asked questions to provide some guidance as you navigate the complexities of supporting someone dealing with an eating disorder:
How can I broach the subject if I suspect a loved one has an eating disorder?
Choose a good time to speak with your loved one: when you can do so in a private location, and when you are both calm. Approach the conversation with compassion, and explain the objective behaviors you have noticed that are concerning you. Understand that they will likely feel uncomfortable and may even feel threatened by this discussion, especially if this is their first time talking about the topic with someone. Try not to take it personally if they become defensive or angry, and hold your ground. Avoid making extreme rules or promises, or setting unrealistic expectations. Listen non-judgmentally, be patient and supportive, and let them know help is available.
How do I separate how I feel about the eating disorder from how I feel about the total person?
This is one of the most challenging aspects of supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. Remember that no person is defined by any disorder; each individual is a multifaceted person with hopes, dreams, and unique qualities stretching far beyond any particular struggles they may face. Here are some suggestions:
- Focus on their strengths, interests, and positive qualities that are outside their illness.
- Show compassion and understanding towards their struggles, while encouraging them to seek help or revisit their previously established treatment plan.
- Remember—and let them know—that you love and support them regardless of their food and body image struggles.
If my loved one feels this way about their body, what do they think of mine?
It's natural to feel concerned, but know that recent research suggests that their views might not be as critical as you fear. At least one study has found that individuals with anorexia nervosa are surprisingly accurate when it comes to sizing up other people's bodies, even while they struggle to judge their own². This discovery challenges what we thought we knew about body image issues, suggesting that every individual’s relationship with their own body is unique, and different from their relationship with any other body. So, while your loved one may be battling their own insecurities, it doesn't mean they're projecting those feelings onto you in any way.
How can I help a loved one when they experience setbacks or challenges on their road to recovery?
When gently addressing your loved one about the potential return or flare-up of symptoms related to their eating disorder, it's essential to approach the conversation with sensitivity and respect for their feelings and boundaries. Recognize and remind them of how far they’ve come, and that setbacks are part of the recovery process. Continue to provide your loved one with support and encouragement—it is important to foster a sense of safety, acceptance, and hope as they heal and reclaim their health and well-being.
How can I stop myself from taking my loved one’s eating disorder personally?
It’s not uncommon for family members to feel a sense of guilt or responsibility when their loved one is struggling with an eating disorder. However, it's crucial to understand that you are not to blame for their illness, and indeed their illness is not a reflection on you. While it's natural to reflect on past interactions and wonder if specific comments or behaviors may have contributed to negative thinking patterns, it's essential to recognize that eating disorders are complex and not the result of one event or relationship. They're influenced by a combination of genetics, environment, psychology, and societal pressures. Instead of getting caught up in feelings of guilt or self-blame, focus on supporting your loved one’s recovery. Remember to educate yourself and offer support. Redirect your energy towards providing love, understanding, encouragement, and practical help in getting specialized treatment if appropriate.
How can I take care of myself at this time while I support my loved one with their eating disorder?
This is absolutely essential for maintaining your well-being. It's okay to prioritize your own needs during this challenging time. Consider reaching out to support groups specifically for loved ones of individuals with eating disorders. These groups offer a safe space to share experiences, seek guidance, and find comfort in knowing you're not alone. Individual therapy can also be beneficial for processing emotions and learning healthy coping strategies. Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga may also help reduce stress and promote self-care. Remember: you can't pour from an empty cup.
In Conclusion
From offering empathy and concern to experiencing moments of confusion or frustration, know that each feeling is a testament to the complexity of supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. All of your reactions are valid. Being there for a loved one battling an eating disorder means showing patience, compassion, and steadfast support. It's also about arming yourself with knowledge about the disorder, keeping an eye out for warning signs and being a listening, nonjudgmental ear.
Recovering from an eating disorder is challenging and filled with twists and turns, but witnessing your loved one reclaim their health and happiness is profoundly rewarding. Don't forget to cheer them on for every step forward, no matter how small—and be proud of yourself, too!
While support from friends and family are invaluable, medical professionals, psychotherapists and programs that offer specialty services in all aspects of eating disorders are often needed. If you suspect you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, please seek professional help.
Additional Resources
Eating Disorders Screening Tool
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening-tool/
Resources For Myself:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/grace-holland-cozine-resource-center-myself/
Resources For a Loved One:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/grace-holland-cozine-resource-center-loved-one/
References
- American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596
- Gledhill, L. J., George, H. R., & Tovée, M. J. (2019). Perceptual not attitudinal factors predict the accuracy of estimating other women’s bodies in both women with anorexia nervosa and controls. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00997
The views and opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and should not be attributed to Counslr, Inc., its partners, its employees, or any other mental health professionals Counslr employs. You should review this information and any questions regarding your specific circumstances with a medical professional. The content provided here is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as counseling, therapy, or professional medical advice.
You've just learned that a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder. Perhaps you had a hunch that something wasn't quite right, or maybe this revelation blindsided you completely. Regardless, this moment marks the beginning of a challenging journey and a whirlwind of emotions and questions. You may feel overwhelmed, confused, and scared about what lies ahead.
Whatever you are feeling, know that you are not alone. This article will offer practical strategies, dispel several common misconceptions, and provide you with some tools you may need to be a source of strength and support for your loved one.
Eating Disorders Defined
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions often intertwined with distorted body image, low self-esteem, and emotional struggles. Trying to make sense of all the medical jargon can be confusing and intimidating, so here is a clear overview:1
Anorexia Nervosa: Characterized by an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted body image, individuals with anorexia may severely restrict their food intake, leading to significant weight loss despite being underweight. They may also exercise excessively and exhibit obsessive behaviors around food and weight.
Bulimia Nervosa: Involves episodes of binge eating followed by purging behaviors such as self-induced vomiting, misuse of laxatives or diuretics, fasting, or excessive exercise. Unlike with anorexia, individuals with bulimia may maintain a relatively normal weight, making it harder to detect.
Binge Eating Disorder (BED): Characterized by recurrent episodes of uncontrollable eating during which individuals consume large quantities of food in a short period of time and feel a loss of control. Unlike with bulimia, there are no compensatory behaviors (e.g. purging), so this may lead to weight gain and potential health complications.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID): Involves a persistent refusal to eat certain foods or avoidant behaviors related to food intake, leading to inadequate nutrition and weight loss. Unlike anorexia, individuals with ARFID do not necessarily have body image disturbances but may have sensory sensitivities or fears and misconceptions related to certain types of food.
Learning about eating disorders and the particular disorder your loved one struggles with can be very helpful when supporting them. By knowing the disorder's manifestations, loved ones can offer empathy, understanding, and practical assistance tailored to specific needs.
The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) is a non-profit organization focused on supporting those with eating disorders and is a great resource for learning more about eating disorders. NEDA works to advance research, build community, and spread awareness to support the nearly 30 million people who will experience an eating disorder in their lifetimes.
Signs and Symptoms
Eating disorders can affect anyone—regardless of age, gender, body type, or size—and can severely impact both physical and mental health. If you know how to recognize the signs and symptoms, intervention is possible, potentially preventing the disorder from worsening and leading to more severe health consequences.
Some things to look out for are:
- Dramatic weight changes
- Obsessive calorie counting
- Secretive eating habits
- Frequent bathroom visits after meals
- Mood swings
- Social withdrawal
Another resource that may be helpful is NEDA’s online screening tool. The tool can not be used to make a diagnosis, but it can guide someone toward a better understanding of their symptoms and connect them to appropriate help.
FAQs
Here are some frequently asked questions to provide some guidance as you navigate the complexities of supporting someone dealing with an eating disorder:
How can I broach the subject if I suspect a loved one has an eating disorder?
Choose a good time to speak with your loved one: when you can do so in a private location, and when you are both calm. Approach the conversation with compassion, and explain the objective behaviors you have noticed that are concerning you. Understand that they will likely feel uncomfortable and may even feel threatened by this discussion, especially if this is their first time talking about the topic with someone. Try not to take it personally if they become defensive or angry, and hold your ground. Avoid making extreme rules or promises, or setting unrealistic expectations. Listen non-judgmentally, be patient and supportive, and let them know help is available.
How do I separate how I feel about the eating disorder from how I feel about the total person?
This is one of the most challenging aspects of supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. Remember that no person is defined by any disorder; each individual is a multifaceted person with hopes, dreams, and unique qualities stretching far beyond any particular struggles they may face. Here are some suggestions:
- Focus on their strengths, interests, and positive qualities that are outside their illness.
- Show compassion and understanding towards their struggles, while encouraging them to seek help or revisit their previously established treatment plan.
- Remember—and let them know—that you love and support them regardless of their food and body image struggles.
If my loved one feels this way about their body, what do they think of mine?
It's natural to feel concerned, but know that recent research suggests that their views might not be as critical as you fear. At least one study has found that individuals with anorexia nervosa are surprisingly accurate when it comes to sizing up other people's bodies, even while they struggle to judge their own². This discovery challenges what we thought we knew about body image issues, suggesting that every individual’s relationship with their own body is unique, and different from their relationship with any other body. So, while your loved one may be battling their own insecurities, it doesn't mean they're projecting those feelings onto you in any way.
How can I help a loved one when they experience setbacks or challenges on their road to recovery?
When gently addressing your loved one about the potential return or flare-up of symptoms related to their eating disorder, it's essential to approach the conversation with sensitivity and respect for their feelings and boundaries. Recognize and remind them of how far they’ve come, and that setbacks are part of the recovery process. Continue to provide your loved one with support and encouragement—it is important to foster a sense of safety, acceptance, and hope as they heal and reclaim their health and well-being.
How can I stop myself from taking my loved one’s eating disorder personally?
It’s not uncommon for family members to feel a sense of guilt or responsibility when their loved one is struggling with an eating disorder. However, it's crucial to understand that you are not to blame for their illness, and indeed their illness is not a reflection on you. While it's natural to reflect on past interactions and wonder if specific comments or behaviors may have contributed to negative thinking patterns, it's essential to recognize that eating disorders are complex and not the result of one event or relationship. They're influenced by a combination of genetics, environment, psychology, and societal pressures. Instead of getting caught up in feelings of guilt or self-blame, focus on supporting your loved one’s recovery. Remember to educate yourself and offer support. Redirect your energy towards providing love, understanding, encouragement, and practical help in getting specialized treatment if appropriate.
How can I take care of myself at this time while I support my loved one with their eating disorder?
This is absolutely essential for maintaining your well-being. It's okay to prioritize your own needs during this challenging time. Consider reaching out to support groups specifically for loved ones of individuals with eating disorders. These groups offer a safe space to share experiences, seek guidance, and find comfort in knowing you're not alone. Individual therapy can also be beneficial for processing emotions and learning healthy coping strategies. Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga may also help reduce stress and promote self-care. Remember: you can't pour from an empty cup.
In Conclusion
From offering empathy and concern to experiencing moments of confusion or frustration, know that each feeling is a testament to the complexity of supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. All of your reactions are valid. Being there for a loved one battling an eating disorder means showing patience, compassion, and steadfast support. It's also about arming yourself with knowledge about the disorder, keeping an eye out for warning signs and being a listening, nonjudgmental ear.
Recovering from an eating disorder is challenging and filled with twists and turns, but witnessing your loved one reclaim their health and happiness is profoundly rewarding. Don't forget to cheer them on for every step forward, no matter how small—and be proud of yourself, too!
While support from friends and family are invaluable, medical professionals, psychotherapists and programs that offer specialty services in all aspects of eating disorders are often needed. If you suspect you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, please seek professional help.
Additional Resources
Eating Disorders Screening Tool
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening-tool/
Resources For Myself:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/grace-holland-cozine-resource-center-myself/
Resources For a Loved One:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/grace-holland-cozine-resource-center-loved-one/
References
- American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596
- Gledhill, L. J., George, H. R., & Tovée, M. J. (2019). Perceptual not attitudinal factors predict the accuracy of estimating other women’s bodies in both women with anorexia nervosa and controls. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00997
The views and opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and should not be attributed to Counslr, Inc., its partners, its employees, or any other mental health professionals Counslr employs. You should review this information and any questions regarding your specific circumstances with a medical professional. The content provided here is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as counseling, therapy, or professional medical advice.
Nourishing the Heart: A Compassionate Care Guide to Supporting Your Loved One with an Eating Disorder
You've just learned that a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder. Perhaps you had a hunch that something wasn't quite right, or maybe this revelation blindsided you completely. Regardless, this moment marks the beginning of a challenging journey and a whirlwind of emotions and questions. You may feel overwhelmed, confused, and scared about what lies ahead.
Whatever you are feeling, know that you are not alone. This article will offer practical strategies, dispel several common misconceptions, and provide you with some tools you may need to be a source of strength and support for your loved one.
Eating Disorders Defined
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions often intertwined with distorted body image, low self-esteem, and emotional struggles. Trying to make sense of all the medical jargon can be confusing and intimidating, so here is a clear overview:1
Anorexia Nervosa: Characterized by an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted body image, individuals with anorexia may severely restrict their food intake, leading to significant weight loss despite being underweight. They may also exercise excessively and exhibit obsessive behaviors around food and weight.
Bulimia Nervosa: Involves episodes of binge eating followed by purging behaviors such as self-induced vomiting, misuse of laxatives or diuretics, fasting, or excessive exercise. Unlike with anorexia, individuals with bulimia may maintain a relatively normal weight, making it harder to detect.
Binge Eating Disorder (BED): Characterized by recurrent episodes of uncontrollable eating during which individuals consume large quantities of food in a short period of time and feel a loss of control. Unlike with bulimia, there are no compensatory behaviors (e.g. purging), so this may lead to weight gain and potential health complications.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID): Involves a persistent refusal to eat certain foods or avoidant behaviors related to food intake, leading to inadequate nutrition and weight loss. Unlike anorexia, individuals with ARFID do not necessarily have body image disturbances but may have sensory sensitivities or fears and misconceptions related to certain types of food.
Learning about eating disorders and the particular disorder your loved one struggles with can be very helpful when supporting them. By knowing the disorder's manifestations, loved ones can offer empathy, understanding, and practical assistance tailored to specific needs.
The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) is a non-profit organization focused on supporting those with eating disorders and is a great resource for learning more about eating disorders. NEDA works to advance research, build community, and spread awareness to support the nearly 30 million people who will experience an eating disorder in their lifetimes.
Signs and Symptoms
Eating disorders can affect anyone—regardless of age, gender, body type, or size—and can severely impact both physical and mental health. If you know how to recognize the signs and symptoms, intervention is possible, potentially preventing the disorder from worsening and leading to more severe health consequences.
Some things to look out for are:
- Dramatic weight changes
- Obsessive calorie counting
- Secretive eating habits
- Frequent bathroom visits after meals
- Mood swings
- Social withdrawal
Another resource that may be helpful is NEDA’s online screening tool. The tool can not be used to make a diagnosis, but it can guide someone toward a better understanding of their symptoms and connect them to appropriate help.
FAQs
Here are some frequently asked questions to provide some guidance as you navigate the complexities of supporting someone dealing with an eating disorder:
How can I broach the subject if I suspect a loved one has an eating disorder?
Choose a good time to speak with your loved one: when you can do so in a private location, and when you are both calm. Approach the conversation with compassion, and explain the objective behaviors you have noticed that are concerning you. Understand that they will likely feel uncomfortable and may even feel threatened by this discussion, especially if this is their first time talking about the topic with someone. Try not to take it personally if they become defensive or angry, and hold your ground. Avoid making extreme rules or promises, or setting unrealistic expectations. Listen non-judgmentally, be patient and supportive, and let them know help is available.
How do I separate how I feel about the eating disorder from how I feel about the total person?
This is one of the most challenging aspects of supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. Remember that no person is defined by any disorder; each individual is a multifaceted person with hopes, dreams, and unique qualities stretching far beyond any particular struggles they may face. Here are some suggestions:
- Focus on their strengths, interests, and positive qualities that are outside their illness.
- Show compassion and understanding towards their struggles, while encouraging them to seek help or revisit their previously established treatment plan.
- Remember—and let them know—that you love and support them regardless of their food and body image struggles.
If my loved one feels this way about their body, what do they think of mine?
It's natural to feel concerned, but know that recent research suggests that their views might not be as critical as you fear. At least one study has found that individuals with anorexia nervosa are surprisingly accurate when it comes to sizing up other people's bodies, even while they struggle to judge their own². This discovery challenges what we thought we knew about body image issues, suggesting that every individual’s relationship with their own body is unique, and different from their relationship with any other body. So, while your loved one may be battling their own insecurities, it doesn't mean they're projecting those feelings onto you in any way.
How can I help a loved one when they experience setbacks or challenges on their road to recovery?
When gently addressing your loved one about the potential return or flare-up of symptoms related to their eating disorder, it's essential to approach the conversation with sensitivity and respect for their feelings and boundaries. Recognize and remind them of how far they’ve come, and that setbacks are part of the recovery process. Continue to provide your loved one with support and encouragement—it is important to foster a sense of safety, acceptance, and hope as they heal and reclaim their health and well-being.
How can I stop myself from taking my loved one’s eating disorder personally?
It’s not uncommon for family members to feel a sense of guilt or responsibility when their loved one is struggling with an eating disorder. However, it's crucial to understand that you are not to blame for their illness, and indeed their illness is not a reflection on you. While it's natural to reflect on past interactions and wonder if specific comments or behaviors may have contributed to negative thinking patterns, it's essential to recognize that eating disorders are complex and not the result of one event or relationship. They're influenced by a combination of genetics, environment, psychology, and societal pressures. Instead of getting caught up in feelings of guilt or self-blame, focus on supporting your loved one’s recovery. Remember to educate yourself and offer support. Redirect your energy towards providing love, understanding, encouragement, and practical help in getting specialized treatment if appropriate.
How can I take care of myself at this time while I support my loved one with their eating disorder?
This is absolutely essential for maintaining your well-being. It's okay to prioritize your own needs during this challenging time. Consider reaching out to support groups specifically for loved ones of individuals with eating disorders. These groups offer a safe space to share experiences, seek guidance, and find comfort in knowing you're not alone. Individual therapy can also be beneficial for processing emotions and learning healthy coping strategies. Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga may also help reduce stress and promote self-care. Remember: you can't pour from an empty cup.
In Conclusion
From offering empathy and concern to experiencing moments of confusion or frustration, know that each feeling is a testament to the complexity of supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. All of your reactions are valid. Being there for a loved one battling an eating disorder means showing patience, compassion, and steadfast support. It's also about arming yourself with knowledge about the disorder, keeping an eye out for warning signs and being a listening, nonjudgmental ear.
Recovering from an eating disorder is challenging and filled with twists and turns, but witnessing your loved one reclaim their health and happiness is profoundly rewarding. Don't forget to cheer them on for every step forward, no matter how small—and be proud of yourself, too!
While support from friends and family are invaluable, medical professionals, psychotherapists and programs that offer specialty services in all aspects of eating disorders are often needed. If you suspect you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, please seek professional help.
Additional Resources
Eating Disorders Screening Tool
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening-tool/
Resources For Myself:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/grace-holland-cozine-resource-center-myself/
Resources For a Loved One:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/grace-holland-cozine-resource-center-loved-one/
References
- American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596
- Gledhill, L. J., George, H. R., & Tovée, M. J. (2019). Perceptual not attitudinal factors predict the accuracy of estimating other women’s bodies in both women with anorexia nervosa and controls. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00997
The views and opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and should not be attributed to Counslr, Inc., its partners, its employees, or any other mental health professionals Counslr employs. You should review this information and any questions regarding your specific circumstances with a medical professional. The content provided here is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as counseling, therapy, or professional medical advice.
